so I am considering that I may be ready to start thinking about looking for some part time work. (Yes - I know that is a frustrating sentence. Perhaps I should have said the thought of regular employment no longer fills me with unrestrained panic.)
In order to take a few baby steps in this direction I have began to look at jobs on seek.
I have decided that my 'reasonable expectation' wish list would include the following:-
- Definitely NOT anything hospitality or retail
- Preferably permanent part time - 2 to 3 days a week
- Something somewhat involved with the Textiles industry
- Relevant to my experience - I worked a Navy 'office job' for two years, so an administration type job would suit perfectly.
The though of going through the interview process freaks me more than the responsibility of a job. So I emailed a few resumes. The plan was to apply for lots of jobs-even some I may not particularly want so I could get used to going through the motions. That way I would get some sort of dress-rehearsal before I pinned my hopes on securing employment. I've applied for any sort of administration/ customer service/ data entry/ assistant job vaguely associated with Textiles. I know that I will not be quite what they are looking for, and that the jobs are not quite what I am looking for - so I can expect, and even hope for, rejections without bruising my self-esteem.
I had one call returned from a recruiting firm, and was asked to come in for a discussion. I thought I was ready for this stage - but the night before I could not sleep. In order to distract myself from not being able to sleep, I took a book to bed and decided to read until the letters and words started to turn into ants and crawl across the page (my usual way of getting to sleep!)
However, it didn't happen. Lately I have been reading historical biographies but Wednesday night I read a lovely adolescent fantasy novel lent to me from my sister. Of course - adolescent fantasy sounds rather sophisticated. I have also heard this book call 'Vampire Smut' by one of my favourite Sydney bloggers. Either way - I finished the novel, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer, in one night and was rather shocked when I heard my housemates banging round the kitchen and heading off to work or lectures.
I had read through my whole nights sleep.
Nevertheless I got up and went through the motions of getting ready to head into Melbourne to meet with the recruiting Agency. And I miss the train. I was looking for a park as the engine pulled out of the station. Luckily - no great loss and a phone call sorted everything out (okay -I'll admit I did suffer a bit of an anxiety attack. I quite foolishly tried to race the train to another station to try and catch it there. May have made it if I didn't get stuck behind a 'Driver under instruction' truck going at 20kmph.) I got to go home and try to catch up on a little sleep...
Of course - After devouring Twilightin one sitting I was keen for more. I did stop by a few places in town thinking to buy the others, but rational thought took over and my sister had the rest of the series for me to borrow. Over the weekend I finished New Moonand Eclipse, and am currently up to the third book of Breaking Dawn
Apparently I am a little obsessed, because I have watched all the movie trailers and started looking into the careers of the actors in the movie. After discovering that Kellan Lutz, who will be portraying Emmett, started in the first episode of 90210 (he was George Evans, the guy who started the fight at lacrosse practice and snogged Naomi) - which was conveniently shown on channel 10 last night I have come to the realisation that I am regressing to a teenager again. I am becoming quite nostalgic for my adolescent angst.
So the job searching is on hold for the moment - but I was beginning to feel a little 'numb' (which I'd blamed on the happy pills), and these books have taken re-connected me to a whole range of emotions I haven't experienced for quite a while, some not since I was a teenager (and had an on again/ off again goth boyfriend who wanted to be a vampire). I am filled with a little hope though - that if I am able to regress to being a teenager again, perhaps I can try 'growing' into my adult self and correct a few of the mistakes and flaws I have developed along the way. I am going to give it a try anyway - try and relieve a bit of the fun and amazement and potential I experienced on a daily basis. Perhaps I can once again be happy-go-lucky, rather than sinking-down-depression...